Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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