I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Two words: blizzard sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
