Rock
Scissors
Fuck
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
