never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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