let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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