I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
