hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
