i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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