My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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