so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
