38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
