i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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