i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize