3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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