There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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