I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
