what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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