Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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