I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
