At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
