I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
