I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
