Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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