pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
