You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
