He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
