It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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