You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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