I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
