your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
