There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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