Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize