I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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