Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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