I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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