I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
