i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
