Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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