I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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