so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stole a fireplace last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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