why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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