Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
