i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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