i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
