My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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