I'm gonna have a badass scar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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