The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
