Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
