so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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