hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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