oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
