I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
