I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
should my penis look like a turkey
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize