and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this will be a night to untag.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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