I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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