I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
