cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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