I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
