I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
