We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
