I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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