I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Say something about gay babies.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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