the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
