She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
