Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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