hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
