I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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