someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
