He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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