she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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