3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
