omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize