is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
