God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize