jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
