chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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