Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
