i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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