Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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