I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
